A letter, a word with the year.

Watch this year flee by, I must write this down.

wave

Hello 2025,

Here is a new one, I am writing a letter to this year. I found it wrong to begin writing a letter to a year I had not lived in yet, so I only began 23 days into the new year. Now that I have grown accustomed to the change at the end of the date line, I write a letter of appreciation, of hopes and as a storage of love to those who read this.

I find myself longing for the comfort the end of the year bought. A fake assurity that everything could be dealt with, at some point in the future. Now the future could not be closer, the months seem to rush into my arms, one after the other. My calendar has begun to fill up until April; who am I to deny opportunity? This year has set its status as a rollercoaster ride; one it deems I am tall enough to get on. The first day of the year bought a major setback. An emotional detachment. Losing friends is never a fun experience, it's something that always eats away at your heart. I have only learnt to give less for them to take away. The maturity I have handled myself with and the mental peace I have granted myself shows how much I have learnt. Turncoats seem to surround me, and I am limited to my own devices. 

If there is one thing I've learnt, it is to take loss in gladness - for it forces you to look another way. I watch a multitude of windows blow open, those who remain do not judge or stab or walk away, they love. I love. What more could one ask for? 

On the last day of college, I sobbed. I hated my class at one point, but I am not one to bite the hand that feeds me. That room of people is where I have found my healthiest friendships, a ton of opportunities and is where I grew the most. I don't think I would be the person I am today if fate didn't land me here. The events we participated in, the presentations we gave, the one class we bunked and the detention that followed. The UNO cards being hidden once the teachers came in, the daily lunches and the untameable laughter. I am not ready for all of this to become a thing of the past. I am not ready to let you all go. 

I stand at the crossroads of adulthood; the signs are many, crossed out by graffiti, covered in stickers and a red tape around it. I must move forward. There is time, but there isn’t. My teenage years seem to be slipping away, my friends moving to different colleges and my age is a daunting number. Amidst all of this, I want to get a hold of myself. My health, mental and physical, my ambitions, my talents and my relationships. I want so many things, I scare myself. It cannot be healthy to think of so much and do nothing but stand by. To marinate in the desires while the clock continues to tick. 

I'm stationed on a travelator, the ones' you see in airports. Whether I walk or not, I'm moving forward. I turn back, and my people are here, till the end of this travelator. They have plane tickets in their hands, passports ready to be stamped and destinations they cannot wait to visit. How do I focus on the ones in my hand? My tears mix into the bittersweet taste of the departure gates. This was home and I don't think I'm really to leave. 

To 2025, I know you have a lot planned for me. I see there are many new people coming into my life and many walking out. All I wish for is for you to bless me with continuity in the friendships that have carried me to you. Don't let me slip up too hard, I know you won't deal me anything I can't handle. Let me open my eyes to the real world, let me see people for what they are. Let the months pass by a little slower and let me savour the moments for a while longer. Dear 2025, be kind. 

To all who are reading this, as Phoebe says, don't be a stranger. I want to lock eyes with you 20 years later and still run in for a hug. I want to meet up for lunch after a hectic semester and spill all the tea. I want to be part of your lives in some, small, insignificant, way. My promise is you will always be part of mine. Reach out, talk things out, hold on a little longer than you're used to. Don't walk away from this friendship because of a momentary bother. You have inspired me, motivated me, bought me to my senses and supported me throughout the two most dynamic years of my life. Your spirits have stamped their weight onto my soul. While teenage me was a concerning version, she could not have made a better choice of friends to continue on with. I love you all, more than you can fathom. 

To my future self, you are capable and there is immense proof of such. You are kind, thoughtful and loving, don’t ever change it. Hold on to this little blog, hold on to what gives you joy. Stand up for what you feel is right no matter the scale. Hold yourself to a standard viable to your existence. Don’t drain yourself for anyone else, be proud of what you have made of yourself and acknowledge the pace at which you grow. Be emotional and reckless and cringy and stupid, there are only a few years left for that to be socially acceptable. Be the version of yourself you like the most, not the one others like the most. You are the sh*t. I love you.

-Your loving goldfish,

Nisa💛